Paso Bro Manifesto
This is the "Paso Declaration of Independence"
It was posted on Facebook along with a 14-part multi-image Instagram carousel at 1:45 AM on a Saturday, likely fueled by a generous final pour of 16% ABV Zinfandel, lingering resentment over a $75 parking fee in Yountville, and the wicked bout of acid reflux at 11pm from overeating tri-tip and BBQ sauce.
FAREWELL, NAPA!!! By: Gary “Mr. Paso”
Look, I’m just a straight shooter. I’m a guy who worked for everything he’s got. Between the sweat equity in the Central Valley and the 12 doors I manage in Dinuba. I don’t ask for much.
After my trip to Italy last year with my second wife (I don’t know if you’ve been, but we did the whole “Heart of Tuscany” tour, 14 cities, saw it all, don’t have to go back), I realized something. Napa, you remind me of my first wife…too expensive and old.
NO RESERVATIONS!!!!! I called a spot in St. Helena last month. My wine concierge asked me what experience I’d like? I said, “the kind of experience where I drink a lot of wine!” I don’t need a “curated experience” in a glass box where some kid named Julian or Francois tells me I’m smelling “pencil lead.” If I wanted to smell a pencil, I’d go to Office Depot.
THE POUR VERSUS THE PRICE!!! In Paso, I walk into a tasting room, I see a guy in a dirty ball cap, a guy who actually works, and he pours me a glass that looks like a glass. In Napa, they give you two ounces in a glass the size of a fishbowl and charge you $125 for the “privilege.” I did the math. I could buy three new water heaters for my rental units for the price of one “Reserve Flight” on the Silverado Trail. It’s math, folks. It doesn’t add up.
BUT I STILL LOVE CAYMUS!!! Everyone loves to hate on the King. I asked a “Somm” (basically a waiter with a pin and an attitude) what he thought of Caymus. He rolled his eyes. Imagine rolling your eyes at a legend! That’s like rolling your eyes at a 1965 Mustang. Sure, it’s not “subtle.” You know what else isn’t subtle? SUCCESS. I like a wine that hits you in the face like that MMA Fighter from Fresno!!! Have you seen that guy???
THE BOTTOM LINE: Keep your $500 Cabernets that taste like a damp basement. I’ll be on a patio in Templeton, drinking a blend that’s 15.8% alcohol, eating a tri-tip sandwich, and talking to a winemaker who knows how to fix a tractor.
Napa, you were a great first wife, thanks for getting me here.
Paso…you’re my second wife, second life!!!!
#PasoStrong #RealWine #CaymusLives #NoSnobsAllowed
Note to the Reader: Within six months of posting this, Gary will have joined four “Allocation-Only” clubs in Paso Robles that cost exactly the same as the Napa clubs he quit, but he will justify it because the tasting room has corn hole boards and no reservations. Any wager on when Gary’s side-piece becomes his third wife?