Don’t pee in the pool

But it’s ok to lie with a smile

As a winemaker and winery owner in Sonoma County, there’s an unwritten set of rules:

1. Don’t criticize other wineries or winemakers

2. Don’t criticize restaurants and chefs

3. Feel free to criticize point scores generally, but not the critics who issue them

Why? We all swim in the same pool. The pool of consumers wealthy enough to afford the luxuries of fine dining, fine wines and read the publications that follow them. And then there’s the obvious, restaurants buy wine.

Photo by Jametlene Reskp on Unsplash

But what about wine critics and journalists? Can you criticize them? Yes, to an extent and the extent is “hating on the game and not the player”. In other words, you can be critical of point scores and their role in the wine world, but not specifically hate on the critic themselves.

Not so for a winemaker dishing out a restaurant review. That’s an absolute no-no. Naturally, many wineries rely on restaurants for sales. Albeit cliche, don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

The trouble is, a lot of winery owners, like myself, dine out a significant amount when we travel for work. In many cases we dine at the restaurants that support us. I will make reservations ahead of time under my name, personal mobile number and email. I don’t have a burner phone, phantom email account and pay in cash. I’m not some anonymous guest.

So what happens when you dine out at Michelin starred restaurants and it’s “Meh?” like browned iceberg meh? Well, when the chef comes over after the salad course, you agree with the guy next to you that says “the salad was brilliant!” even though you know it wasn’t.

Or the service is ‘meh’ because it’s gang service with a series of expeditors and bussers rather than any personal service as it’s a set menu with no a la carte options or supplements? Then the question comes from the person who brings you the bill and it’s the first time you’ve seen them all evening, “How did we take care of you this evening Mr. Scheidt?” and I respond in my best eyebrow raising Vulcan, “Efficiently”.

Moving on to the wine list. Much of the wine is marked-up 4-6x wholesale. Fine. I get that Michelin dining and fine wine tend to go together, I’ve bought into that. I still have discretion at this point, bottle or BTG, order less expensive or more expensive?

Then you get the bill and an automatic 20% service charge is levied on the alcohol only, as there is a separate bill and gratuity for the meal. It says “Service Charge”. What service? A wine was already open at the bar and poured. No suggestions were made, no bottle was presented, opened and approved. I ordered off a short list of BTG choices, the stemware was the standard for the restaurant. That’s a small step above counter service, not Somm service.

In a 3-5 course dinner I could get 3 glasses, where each would cost at this type of Michelin starred restaurant, between $25-$100 per glass. What service level was reached simply expediting the glass fifteen feet from the bar to the table with zero suggestions made by the staff? Evidently a level deserving 20%.

They call it a service charge because “service” sounds like hospitality. It’s not. It looks more simply like “Revenue” dressed up in a Michelin star. But I smile, I thank them and I pay. Because I’m swimming in the same pool.